About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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