They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
