I CAN MOONWALK!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
