so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
