I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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