I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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