Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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