I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
