Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
