Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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