I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
