I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
