dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
