after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
