??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
