what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize