You're a womanizer and a bitch.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
