its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
