Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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