It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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