what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
