Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
