I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
