Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
