You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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