Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
