Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
