At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize