You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
