God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
