I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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