Nicole vs. Life
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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