It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
