Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
