Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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