you win again, gameday.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
