Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize