I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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