apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
