Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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