Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
