It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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