You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
