3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
