Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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