Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i barfeds in our rink
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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