Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
