is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
