she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
