ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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