he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
