Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
