i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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