I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
