Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
