I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
