So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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