chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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