Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Send help, water and tortillas.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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