I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
