I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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