Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm at about main and main street
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
