so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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