I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
