you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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