well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's get the cat blown out
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
