Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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