Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
