laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
