You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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