Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Houston, we have a squirter
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
