There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
