didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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