I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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