Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
