Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize