I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
