the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
