Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize