I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
