he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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